But what I want to know is, what does the world outside your window show?
Go on, look outside. I see trees and the neatly mowed lawns of my neighbours sprinkled with discarded toys and lawn ornaments. Then there is my lawn, full of seeding dandelions and uneven grass and a pollen dusted patio set, begging for me to come sit a spell.
But is that really my world? Or is that an illusion displayed by the window of my house?
My world is my reality so my window should reflect my world as I see it. But instead of reality, what I see is an asset that is a stepping stone to where I want to be. I see a lawn that needs tidying, a patio set that needs cleaning, a home that needs selling.
Tomorrow I anticipate that I will be moving on.
Moving on from my day job, to full-time author. Moving on from mother of three dependents, to full-time empty nester. Moving on from this intermediate housing solution to my forever home on the water, the cottage home of my dreams.
Endings are but beginnings that become endings. This is the cycle of life. One constant of the universe is change, and here I sit on the cusp of a major crossroads in my life.
I couldn’t be more scared or more excited. I started writing in preparation for this day, so how can I be sad about it arriving? But change brings its own fear. It’s been thirty years since I last lived alone and I find myself apprehensive about undertaking the solitude once again. Strange, seeing as marriage has been so disagreeable with me.
There are three things that are different this time around. I have three wonderful children. I will never be fully alone as when I was an unmarried single woman. So this time, alone has a different feel; more the sense of a tree standing apart in a forest, than a citadel with no other mountains nearby.
The real question that I need to answer is, what do I see outside my window? This window is personal to my soul, to me. What does that window show?
It shows sandy shores and gentle waves. I see a ‘bunkie’ or ‘she-shed’ or ‘writing retreat’ perched on the rocks of a lake. The window is wide open and I am surrounded by woods, and bird song and the gentle hum of bees in summer. The window is closed and the snow howls and the magic of Christmas and family is close. The window is cracked open an inch and the fresh breeze of spring off the lake carries the scent of primrose and daffodils.
And just inside the window is a desk, with a computer and a connection to the greater world beyond, a window to friends and family not of blood and a world full of imagination.
This is my first step into a full-time writing career. It will span just as long as the one I am leaving, and hopefully longer, as I intend to write till mother earth welcomes me into her embrace.
That is a comforting thought. My true career is about to begin, and I welcome it with open arms.
Look out world, here I come!
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